tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59014216951713398102023-06-20T21:58:06.080-06:00Letters To StudentsMehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-27241215438645798262016-08-24T15:52:00.002-06:002016-08-24T15:52:14.901-06:00<br />
<div>
Dear student,<br />
Thank you for blaming me for your
procrastination. Of course there was no way for you to know that
registration for fall would happen before the day classes started. This
makes logical sense.<br />
<br />
As far as picking courses, students
are able to see exactly the same information regarding course
availablity that advisors can; if you see that <span class="text_exposed_show">everything
you want to take is full, that's what I will see as well. The college
is currently in development for this secret page, magic button, and/or
fairy wand that I can use to suddenly find classes that are open and
available just for you, because you are, in fact, special. However, you
do not yet possess the knowledge of the secret code to access these
options, so I am afraid you are not THAT special. You will just have to
register early for spring.</span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<br />
Best,</div>
</div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-22580759018810786492016-08-24T15:51:00.003-06:002016-08-24T15:51:41.942-06:00<br />
<div class="mbm _5k3v _5k3y">
<div>
Dear student,<br />
Thank you for
your email today. However, nothing has changed between yesterday and
today. You still do not have the prerequisite. I still cannot waive that
prerequisite. I know there is some magic pill or something that I
should have taken that would give me this super power, but the genie did
not grant your wish, or mine. Please follow the process that every
other student has to follow, because you still are not that special.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
Me </div>
</div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-75689947151641430212016-08-24T15:51:00.000-06:002016-08-24T15:51:00.887-06:00<div class="_4_j7 _5s6c">
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/notes/kristen-campbell-nuesmeyer/parking-lot-rules-for-students/122763903426">Parking Lot Rules for Students</a></div>
<div>
As the new semester starts, here is just a reminder of some things that will help with parking:
<br />
<br />1) Please feel free to park in the Employee parking lot. Don't
worry, as you've mentioned to me many times before, you are special.
<br />
<br />2) Please ignore the NO LOADING OR UNLOADING sign. It is there just as a funny gag. You don't actually block any kind o<span class="text_exposed_show">f traffic while you are waiting there to pick up your significant other.
<br />
<br />3) Speaking of significant others, please provide as much PDA
(Public Displays of Affection) as possible. We know and understand that
it will be AT LEAT one WHOLE hour before you see them again.
<br />
<br />4) The NO LOADING OR UNLOADING zone is absolutely perfect for the
above mentioned PDA. Since he has to get out of the car anyway to "let"
her drive home it's a perfect time to do the 20 minute goodbyes.
<br />
<br />5) Please walk down the middle of the parking rows while texting on
your cell phone. Don't worry, I don't have anywhere to be anytime soon.
Take all the time you want.
<br />
<br />6) Please talk on your cell phone wall trolling for parking spaces.
Your lack of attention assists in running over other students and
hitting already parked cars.
<br />
<br />7) Please drive at the crazy speed of at least 40 mph while in the
parking lot. It makes my morning exciting and helps me become fully
alert.
<br />
<br />8) Please don't use any signals. They just confuse.
<br />
<br />9) I know you don't want the new Hummer daddy bought for you to get
scratched, so please feel free to take up more than one parking space.
There isn't a parking crisis on campus, so this isn't a problem.
<br />
<br />10) Feel free to park in red zones and hadicap parking. It's fine if it's only for a minute.
<br />
<br />Thank you.</span></div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-60775328363342755462016-08-24T13:47:00.003-06:002016-08-24T15:54:26.938-06:00Dear Student,<br />
Thank you for your email this morning. I appreciate your urgent question that required my immediate response. However, I am not awake, nor at work, at 4 am. My bad.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
Me Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-9307549344165656372016-08-24T13:47:00.001-06:002016-08-24T13:47:09.102-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for your email notifying me that your assigned
advisor is sick. You are correct, he is sick. According to the rest of your email
you say “I cannot register.” This is also correct. What a bummer.</div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-56120853702683756022013-12-06T09:32:00.000-07:002013-12-06T09:32:00.746-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for your email. You ask a very good question about
the pop up. The pop up window that came up indicating that this course requires
20 hours of service means that there is 20 hours of service. I know that’s
weird and unclear. And we should definitely be more clear about what it means.
Because it’s confusing to see something saying “this course requires 20 hours
of service outside of the classroom” and know that what that means is there are
20 hours of service required outside of the classroom. Very complex, I know.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-49194708917380096292013-12-05T09:32:00.000-07:002013-12-05T09:32:00.791-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for sending me three emails within 5 minutes. They
all included the exact same information. And none of the included the
information I actually need- like you student ID. That was extremely helpful. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-57514879660673439262013-12-04T09:31:00.000-07:002013-12-04T09:31:00.067-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Dear concerned, overbearing, overeager, Mom,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for your multiple emails this week. It sure is a
pleasure to work with you. Though, I really have to wonder at this point if it
is you completing your daughter’s degree or your daughter. Our institution
looks favorably on non-traditional students, so you don’t have to hide behind
your daughter to conceal your zealous pursuit of education. Indeed, you are
proving to be an extremely active student. Case in point, I have interacted far
more with you than with your daughter (which is why I am beginning to wonder if
she truly exists). You do always refer to yourselves, so maybe you are
comfortably dealing with multiple personalities?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If that is not the case, and your daughter truly is the one
pursuing a degree with us it would be great to know she exists. I know you must
have the FERPA regulations down by hear now, given how many times I have sent
them to you, and yet I always enjoy the emails, from your specific email
account, “signed” by you and your daughter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I even enjoyed the most recent email where you flat out
ignored my passionate pleas to let your daughter speak for herself. I really
hope you are both working hard together so you can complete all her assignments
for her, accompany her on job interviews, and live all her life for her. You’re
definitely doing her a lot of favors. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-87690752803857163402013-12-03T10:00:00.000-07:002013-12-03T10:00:01.047-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for your email. Instructions are definitely just
guidelines. They are not intended to provide helpful information at all. You
are correct to assume that the phone number provided in the instructions is NOT
the number you should contact. You should definitely just contact me even
though the instructions say if you encounter this specific situation to contact
that other number. Ignore that. That number is just a prank line. Not helpful
at all. I just wanted to see how many students would be dumb enough to follow
directions. You are definitely smarter than the instructions and I will give
you a SPECIAL set of instructions just because you asked.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-78709419080696032222013-12-03T09:33:00.002-07:002013-12-03T09:33:26.038-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Student, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are right, I should have clarified. In my auto response
entitled "Out of the Office" where I say I will be out of the office
November 27-December 2, I should have made it more clear that I wouldn't be
responding to emails. You are correct, I DO still have access to the internet
and email over the holidays. I know this means that I should still be checking
my work email, incessantly actually, so that I can respond to your last minute
whim to register. And yes, the hold on your account was completely frivolous
and had nothing to do with your lack of preparation or accountability.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-76708139824573777702013-04-30T12:19:00.001-06:002013-04-30T12:19:07.773-06:00<br />
Dear student,<br />
<br />
Remember that class you didn't pass? And that class you went to the director to then withdraw from? Remember how I said you couldn't graduate without that class? And remember how you lied and told me the department chair said you could? Well guess what. YOU DID NOT GRADUATE. YOU CANNOT HAVE A PROOF OF DEGREE FROM ME. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I know this is shocking. I know this is something you may not of heard from me, my department chair, my dean, the director and the graduation office. Why would they tell you that you weren't graduating?<br />
<br />
And remember how you begged me to make an exception because you've worked so hard?<br />
<br />
Of course you should be so surprised to find out that life doesn't work that way. You should get a "B" for breathing. And because you didn't do the work to finish your degree, I should just make an exception and say that you finished your degree. Because you worked so gosh darn hard.<br />
<br />
But according to you, you can say you have a degree. You can tell a potential employer you have a degree. Because saying it makes it true. Why would you need proof? And it is so unfortunate that now the employer is asking for proof. Because apparently just saying it isn't good enough.<br />
<br />
Better luck next time.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
MeMehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-70166922813569626082013-04-16T15:37:00.001-06:002013-04-16T15:37:16.723-06:00Dear Student,<br />
Thank you for your email today. Of course an anthropology degree will not do you much good. You know, I will be happy to create a degree for you that specifically mentions that your "time and money were not a total waste". Because education is always a complete waste of time and money. Except yours. And since you "don't really care what degree [you] get" I'm happy to just make it up for you.<br />
<br />
Additionally I will see what "manipulations" and "exceptions" I can find so you can complete. After all, I would hate for you to feel like you "have to give up" because it's too hard. Especially when you're only two semesters away.<br />
<br />
Besides, as you said, you already have a job so why would you need a degree? I completely agree. So, never mind. Just give up and be happy with your current job. I'm sure it will last forever and you will never find it necessary to have a degree. Especially one in "just" Anthropology.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
MeMehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-72425367362527875902013-04-16T14:45:00.003-06:002013-04-16T14:45:49.292-06:00<br />
Dear Student,<br />
<br />
Thank you for your email sent to your faculty today. I am happy that you want to celebrate your husband's best friend's birthday. I know that class totally gets in the way of that. So feel free to just skip class. Your attendance doesn't matter at all. Don't worry about your grade. Go. Have fun. And feel free to continue to do the absolute bare minimum to complete your degree. I know that work and class and responsibilities will continue to hinder your ability to have fun and do whatever you want whenever you want. No problem.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
Me<br />
<br />
*this post is based on an actual email received by one of my faculty. The email says (direct copy and paste): <br />
<br />
"<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">I was wondering if I
had one more day that I could miss. We are celebrating my husbands best
friends' birthday tomorrow and I wanted to join in the celebration if I still
had one more class that I could miss." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">I'm sure all faculty everywhere love to see these kind of emails. </span><br />
<br />Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-80453682425205360522012-12-05T16:49:00.000-07:002012-12-05T16:49:00.186-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I learned something today. When you send me an email in all
capital letters the email system thinks your email is a junk email. Instead of
getting to me faster, it actually means I may not get your email at all. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-63156158963343629572012-11-02T09:30:00.000-06:002012-11-02T09:30:03.723-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for letting me know the specific times you are available.
I am happy to call you between 1:00pm and 1:05pm since those are the only times
you have available. Never mind that the issue I believe you want to talk to me
about is totally impossible. Unless of course you can wow me with your
knowledge of Anthropology, reading, writing and Psychology enough for me to
decide that you don’t need any of those prerequisites. I am sure your stellar
personality and your limited availability is enough for me to arbitrarily
decide that you, and just you, should be able to take whatever class you want
whenever you want.</div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-86949945049172514052012-11-01T16:48:00.002-06:002012-11-01T16:48:59.590-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for contacting me today with your plans for
graduation. I am happy to say that it is possible to take 20 credits in the
summer. However, the schedule you have put together are of all classes that
have never been offered in the summer. But since you HAVE to graduate RIGHT NOW
I’m sure we can offer those classes just for you. Or just feel free to take any
20 credits and I’m sure we will just apply them to your degree and assume you
have the content knowledge. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-21941244087730405552012-10-31T15:25:00.002-06:002012-10-31T15:25:11.483-06:00<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for your email notifying me that your assigned
advisor is sick. You are correct, he is sick. According to the rest of your email
you say “I cannot register.” This is also correct. What a bummer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-20068116108775540872012-10-24T16:44:00.000-06:002012-11-01T16:44:39.576-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You know that “100 credits” you say you have? You may have
taken them but unless you have them transferred they do NOT count. Of course,
they may just be invisible credits where we just read your mind and give them
to you anyway. As long as we’re handing out credits, we might as well just hand
out your degree. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-47540253557041920732012-08-08T16:43:00.000-06:002012-11-01T16:43:45.987-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love your perception that prefixes to courses do not
matter. Of course BESC 3100 and PSY 3100 and SOC 3100 are all the exact same
class. The prefix has no bearing on the content, or subject matter, and it is
truly only the course number that matters. In that case, please feel free to
also look at MATH 3100, ENGL 3100, PHIL 3100 or any other subjects that offer a
3100 course since they would all count to fulfill the exact same requirements.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-18534811938598266922012-06-06T16:42:00.000-06:002012-11-01T16:43:08.907-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for coming in and meeting with me multiple times
and sending multiple emails. Your email this morning was especially uplifting
as I realized all the time I have spent with you previously was a complete
waste, as you had to ask, yet again, for the same list of classes I’ve been
giving you all along. Thank you for paying such close attention to the advice I
have given you and making my time spent with you instead of other students so
worthwhile.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-75169150635994311842012-03-28T16:41:00.000-06:002012-11-01T16:41:52.996-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Dear Student,</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for your multiple emails this morning. I am sad to
admit that despite the fact that you emailed me more than 10 times today, 83
credits is still less than 90 credits – thus, you still can’t register with the
90 credit priority registration. I know that having sent me multiple emails
that should change the number of credits you have. I wish I could get you a
credit for every email you sent. Unfortunately you actually have to take, AND
PASS, classes in order to get credit for them. Better luck next semester.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-35225346004547476642012-02-01T16:42:00.000-07:002012-11-01T16:42:28.242-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Dear Student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for your application into our highly competitive
program. There were 7 pieces required for your application and I am pleased to
announce you completed 1 of them correctly! Congratulations. I was especially
impressed by your ability to misspell your own name. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-46767294130144213882011-12-07T16:40:00.000-07:002012-11-01T16:41:08.000-06:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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Dear student,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Using text speak in your emails just makes me realize how
smart and sophisticated you are. It definitely makes me want to help you as
much as possible. I am sure that given the amount of intelligence it takes to
craft a text speak email you have the critical thinking skills necessary to
solve your own problems, but you shouldn’t have to use them. Instead, I am
happy to solve all your problems for you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me </div>
Mehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-8574258074008783292011-08-29T15:40:00.000-06:002011-08-29T15:40:06.036-06:00Dear Student,<br />
Thank you for visiting me on the first day of classes. And congratulations on your decision to change life directions. I am happy for you that you quit the job that was making you miserable and am glad that you want to go back to school. And the first day of class is just that day to make that decision. Never mind that you have not applied, been accepted, posted test scores or any number of things you have to do to return to school. You should just show up to classes.<br />
<br />
I know the classes are all full, and I know how surprising that is, but for you we should just make an exception. Procrastination is always key, especially when it comes to your education.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
MeMehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5901421695171339810.post-11583215833143883562011-08-24T11:26:00.000-06:002011-08-24T11:26:55.004-06:00Dear Student,<br />
Thank you for contacting me yesterday and today. Twice. I agree that your transcripts should have arrived and been evaluated between 5 pm yesterday and 7:30 am this morning. We have elves that work around the clock to evaluate those transcripts because we know it's our fault, not yours, for starting this process so late.<br />
<br />
I agree that I should let you register anyway. However, if I do, I am pretty sure my Dean will revoke my privileges and banish me to the outer annex.<br />
<br />
I hope you have better luck.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
MeMehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00910592295978646452noreply@blogger.com2