Dear Student,

I learned something today. When you send me an email in all capital letters the email system thinks your email is a junk email. Instead of getting to me faster, it actually means I may not get your email at all. 

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Student,

Thank you for letting me know the specific times you are available. I am happy to call you between 1:00pm and 1:05pm since those are the only times you have available. Never mind that the issue I believe you want to talk to me about is totally impossible. Unless of course you can wow me with your knowledge of Anthropology, reading, writing and Psychology enough for me to decide that you don’t need any of those prerequisites. I am sure your stellar personality and your limited availability is enough for me to arbitrarily decide that you, and just you, should be able to take whatever class you want whenever you want.

Dear Student,

Thank you for contacting me today with your plans for graduation. I am happy to say that it is possible to take 20 credits in the summer. However, the schedule you have put together are of all classes that have never been offered in the summer. But since you HAVE to graduate RIGHT NOW I’m sure we can offer those classes just for you. Or just feel free to take any 20 credits and I’m sure we will just apply them to your degree and assume you have the content knowledge. 

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Student,

Thank you for your email notifying me that your assigned advisor is sick. You are correct, he is sick. According to the rest of your email you say “I cannot register.” This is also correct. What a bummer.

Sincerely,

Me

Dear student,

You know that “100 credits” you say you have? You may have taken them but unless you have them transferred they do NOT count. Of course, they may just be invisible credits where we just read your mind and give them to you anyway. As long as we’re handing out credits, we might as well just hand out your degree. 

Sincerely,

Me

Dear Student,

I love your perception that prefixes to courses do not matter. Of course BESC 3100 and PSY 3100 and SOC 3100 are all the exact same class. The prefix has no bearing on the content, or subject matter, and it is truly only the course number that matters. In that case, please feel free to also look at MATH 3100, ENGL 3100, PHIL 3100 or any other subjects that offer a 3100 course since they would all count to fulfill the exact same requirements.

Sincerely,

Me