Dear concerned, overbearing, overeager, Mom,

Thank you for your multiple emails this week. It sure is a pleasure to work with you. Though, I really have to wonder at this point if it is you completing your daughter’s degree or your daughter. Our institution looks favorably on non-traditional students, so you don’t have to hide behind your daughter to conceal your zealous pursuit of education. Indeed, you are proving to be an extremely active student. Case in point, I have interacted far more with you than with your daughter (which is why I am beginning to wonder if she truly exists). You do always refer to yourselves, so maybe you are comfortably dealing with multiple personalities?

If that is not the case, and your daughter truly is the one pursuing a degree with us it would be great to know she exists. I know you must have the FERPA regulations down by hear now, given how many times I have sent them to you, and yet I always enjoy the emails, from your specific email account, “signed” by you and your daughter.

I even enjoyed the most recent email where you flat out ignored my passionate pleas to let your daughter speak for herself. I really hope you are both working hard together so you can complete all her assignments for her, accompany her on job interviews, and live all her life for her. You’re definitely doing her a lot of favors. 

Sincerely,

Me