Dear Student,

Thank you for your email sent to your faculty today. I am happy that you want to celebrate your husband's best friend's birthday. I know that class totally gets in the way of that. So feel free to just skip class. Your attendance doesn't matter at all. Don't worry about your grade. Go. Have fun. And feel free to continue to do the absolute bare minimum to complete your degree. I know that work and class and responsibilities will continue to hinder your ability to have fun and do whatever you want whenever you want. No problem.

Sincerely,

Me

*this post is based on an actual email received by one of my faculty. The email says (direct copy and paste): 

"I was wondering if I had one more day that I could miss. We are celebrating my husbands best friends' birthday tomorrow and I wanted to join in the celebration if I still had one more class that I could miss." 

I'm sure all faculty everywhere love to see these kind of emails.