Dear Student,
Thank you for your multiple phone calls this morning. By my count you called my office more than 15 times today between the hours of 8 am and 10:30 am. That does not include the calls you made to the administrative assistant who brought me all of your frantic messages; messages you could not leave on my voicemail. (I know this because you would call, hang up when you got my voicemail message, and immediately call back multiple times in a row). I know I should have picked up the phone but when I am with a student I do not answer the phone for another student. This is a courtesy I would also give to you, were you the student in my office.
Unfortunately, we do not currently have a frequent caller program. You do not get special benefits, special treatment, or a free class for being a frequent caller. The reward we can offer you is a very frustrated advisor and administrative assistant who now recognize your phone number and will not pick up when you call. You get to leave a message and as always I will return your call as soon as I can.
Congratulations.
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Dear Student,
Thank you for your phone call today. I know that you are completely outraged by the fact that we are not giving you credit for a class you are transferring here. I understand that outrage. Especially because the reason we are not giving you credit is that you have not yet given us the opportunity to evaluate that transfer credit.
I know you turned in your transcripts on Friday and at the very least we should have been able to evaluate the credit and input it into the system in less than 1 working day. But I also recognize that you HAVE to be the ONLY one turning in transcripts right now. And we also had the weekend. It seems perfectly reasonable that you want to call and argue with me about not getting credit.
It is also perfectly reasonable that the reason you want to argue with me is because you are worried about missing the graduation application deadline. Of course I've NEVER told you to have your transcripts sent here and I NEVER told you to do it before last semester. I like that you're in a pinch and it has nothing to do with your own procrastination. I take full responsibility.
I have called the transfer office and they have put your transcripts at the front of the line so it should be evaluated by the end of today. After all, 24 hours is a reasonable request. And, of course, YOU are special.
Sincerely,
Me
Thank you for your phone call today. I know that you are completely outraged by the fact that we are not giving you credit for a class you are transferring here. I understand that outrage. Especially because the reason we are not giving you credit is that you have not yet given us the opportunity to evaluate that transfer credit.
I know you turned in your transcripts on Friday and at the very least we should have been able to evaluate the credit and input it into the system in less than 1 working day. But I also recognize that you HAVE to be the ONLY one turning in transcripts right now. And we also had the weekend. It seems perfectly reasonable that you want to call and argue with me about not getting credit.
It is also perfectly reasonable that the reason you want to argue with me is because you are worried about missing the graduation application deadline. Of course I've NEVER told you to have your transcripts sent here and I NEVER told you to do it before last semester. I like that you're in a pinch and it has nothing to do with your own procrastination. I take full responsibility.
I have called the transfer office and they have put your transcripts at the front of the line so it should be evaluated by the end of today. After all, 24 hours is a reasonable request. And, of course, YOU are special.
Sincerely,
Me
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Dear Students,
Thank you for your glowing ratings on my Student Ratings of Instructor. I love the fact that you appreciated all of the coursework I carefully planned for your education. "Busywork" was indeed what I was striving for in this class because I have nothing better to do than grade busywork. "Too much busywork, not enough actual learning" is definitely MY responsibility. I didn't actually give you assignments that were supposed to help you LEARN.
I appreciate that, as you said: "I pay my tuition and I want my teachers to also work for there money" [sic]. I appreciate that you pointed out that I was obviously not working hard enough to give you the detailed feedback I provided. Had you merely wanted your assignments back with nothing but a grade I could have done that within minutes.
I am sorry that you did not understand my humor when I'm SURE I was JOKING about the death in your family. While I don't remember you actually talking to me about your situation, I have never been one to work with a student who was dealing with issues like that. I enjoy being rude to students, as I am sure I was to you on this occasion.
Also, I am sure I was rude to you about your assignments. Expecting you to turn them in ON TIME, especially when I gave you an extension, was definitely asking too much.
Thank you again students, for all of your work this past semester. It has never been such a pleasure to teach this class.
Sincerely,
Me
Thank you for your glowing ratings on my Student Ratings of Instructor. I love the fact that you appreciated all of the coursework I carefully planned for your education. "Busywork" was indeed what I was striving for in this class because I have nothing better to do than grade busywork. "Too much busywork, not enough actual learning" is definitely MY responsibility. I didn't actually give you assignments that were supposed to help you LEARN.
I appreciate that, as you said: "I pay my tuition and I want my teachers to also work for there money" [sic]. I appreciate that you pointed out that I was obviously not working hard enough to give you the detailed feedback I provided. Had you merely wanted your assignments back with nothing but a grade I could have done that within minutes.
I am sorry that you did not understand my humor when I'm SURE I was JOKING about the death in your family. While I don't remember you actually talking to me about your situation, I have never been one to work with a student who was dealing with issues like that. I enjoy being rude to students, as I am sure I was to you on this occasion.
Also, I am sure I was rude to you about your assignments. Expecting you to turn them in ON TIME, especially when I gave you an extension, was definitely asking too much.
Thank you again students, for all of your work this past semester. It has never been such a pleasure to teach this class.
Sincerely,
Me
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Dear student,
Thank you for your email regarding your situation. I understand that you want to add a class and the class is full. I appreciate that you understand that the only way to add a class is through an add card signed by the instructor.
I think adding this class is a great idea, especially considering you situation. The class meets during your work hours, which is why you cannot come to class to get the add card signed. While this might pose a problem for some students I admire the fact that you are not letting something simple like this scheduling conflict get in the way of you wanting to add the class. However, like attending the class, I will have to tell you that you will have to figure out how to be in two places at once in order to get your add card signed.
Good luck.
Sincerely,
Me
Thank you for your email regarding your situation. I understand that you want to add a class and the class is full. I appreciate that you understand that the only way to add a class is through an add card signed by the instructor.
I think adding this class is a great idea, especially considering you situation. The class meets during your work hours, which is why you cannot come to class to get the add card signed. While this might pose a problem for some students I admire the fact that you are not letting something simple like this scheduling conflict get in the way of you wanting to add the class. However, like attending the class, I will have to tell you that you will have to figure out how to be in two places at once in order to get your add card signed.
Good luck.
Sincerely,
Me
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Dear Student,
I apologize for taking some time off for the holiday. I know this meant that the pressing issue you needed taken care of over the break had to wait a couple of extra days to be addressed. I know that even though you have had over an entire month to take care of this issue you chose to do it the day before Thanksgiving meant that it was definitely my fault that the issue was not actually resolved until my return. I also know that even though I had to wait for the information from you to resolve your issue, the fact that it took me more than a day after my return to work is abominable.
This all resulted from my vacation time, and I am sorry. From now on I will work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, through all holidays, JUST IN CASE you decide that THAT is the time you want to resolve your dilemmas.
Sincerely,
Me
I apologize for taking some time off for the holiday. I know this meant that the pressing issue you needed taken care of over the break had to wait a couple of extra days to be addressed. I know that even though you have had over an entire month to take care of this issue you chose to do it the day before Thanksgiving meant that it was definitely my fault that the issue was not actually resolved until my return. I also know that even though I had to wait for the information from you to resolve your issue, the fact that it took me more than a day after my return to work is abominable.
This all resulted from my vacation time, and I am sorry. From now on I will work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, through all holidays, JUST IN CASE you decide that THAT is the time you want to resolve your dilemmas.
Sincerely,
Me
Monday, November 30, 2009
Dear student,
I first want to thank you for your honesty. Calling an assignment "completely bogus" and putting that in your write up definitely makes me want to give you an A. You obviously got out of the assignment what I was hoping for. You are astute in your observation that I assign work, just to assign work, and not with the assumption that there is anything valuable to be gained. While your classmates may have lied through their teeth and told me what they learned from the process, you alone will receive full credit.
I appreciate the minimal effort you put into the assignment, fully completing HALF the length of the write up. Way to go. Not to mention, you never addressed the topic of the assignment. I know that if you had even attempted to address the topic writing a full TWO PAGES would have been too easy.
I also appreciate that you did not take the time to proofread your assignment. Misspelling my name was definitely a great move and proved to me how much you pay attention. And how could I expect you, as a senior in college, to know the difference between their, there, and they're? Obviously they should all mean the same. I know I am picking on all the small things, and don't worry, I will provide you with zero feedback. I hope this is enough that you really will get into that graduate program you are hoping for.
It's been a pleasure to grade all your half attempted work.
Sincerely,
Me
I first want to thank you for your honesty. Calling an assignment "completely bogus" and putting that in your write up definitely makes me want to give you an A. You obviously got out of the assignment what I was hoping for. You are astute in your observation that I assign work, just to assign work, and not with the assumption that there is anything valuable to be gained. While your classmates may have lied through their teeth and told me what they learned from the process, you alone will receive full credit.
I appreciate the minimal effort you put into the assignment, fully completing HALF the length of the write up. Way to go. Not to mention, you never addressed the topic of the assignment. I know that if you had even attempted to address the topic writing a full TWO PAGES would have been too easy.
I also appreciate that you did not take the time to proofread your assignment. Misspelling my name was definitely a great move and proved to me how much you pay attention. And how could I expect you, as a senior in college, to know the difference between their, there, and they're? Obviously they should all mean the same. I know I am picking on all the small things, and don't worry, I will provide you with zero feedback. I hope this is enough that you really will get into that graduate program you are hoping for.
It's been a pleasure to grade all your half attempted work.
Sincerely,
Me
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